May I Have This Dance?

previously published in Ponderings (1998)

It has come to my attention that the Tango is dead. Not a startling revelation, as I have never tangoed in my life, but I was surprised. My daughter Megan is taking several dance classes, and one day last week as we were driving to the ballroom dance class, she told me that they were not going to learn to Tango. Now, I can't begin to imagine 13-15 year olds tangoing in the first place, but I was curious as to why they chose to leave this one dance out. Megan informed me that her instructor felt that the only place people tangoed anymore was in the classroom and there was little chance that they would ever need to know it. That caught my ear. When exactly did one need to know any of these dances? So as we discussed these possibilities, we agreed that all dancing, whether practical or not, serves to encourage grace, develop strength and promote balance. All good qualities. But I thought, except for professional dancers, most of the dances are not usually performed in ordinary settings. Oh sure, the occasional waltz or polka turns up in most ordinary wedding receptions, but what about ballet? I can just see it. Scene I: Right after the Chicken Dance and the Hokey Pokey, the band breaks into a rousing rendition of Swan Lake and everyone in attendance jumps to their feet, pulls toe shoes and tights out of their purses and coats, and before you know it, it's pirouettes everywhere. Maybe if a ballerina is getting married and all of her troupe are in the bridal party, but otherwise I can't see it happening. Clogging is another example. Clogging, as far as I know, is limited to competitions and ethnic festivals. Now don't get me wrong. I know several fine people who are cloggers. Scene II: Your sweetheart calls you up on the phone and the conversation goes like this: "Whattya say you and I grab our clogging shoes, head downtown, and clog the night away!" “Oh, you mad, clogging fool!! Come right over!” Nope. Never happens. So Megan is learning the classic ballroom dances that she might actually be called upon to use at some point in her life. But her other class is learning Scottish Highland dancing. I couldn't see this as having a practical application either. Scene III: A lavish Parisian gala. An elegant young lady (bearing a striking resemblance to Megan) is approached by a handsome young man. He leans over and whispers in her ear, "Care to Highland Fling? I'm sure Emile' and the orchestra have brought their 'pipes tonight; for you, my darling." Megan was not amused. As I said, we agreed that all dancing helps encourage grace, develop strength, and promote balance. We could all use more of those qualities. So I guess I’d better brush up on my Chicken Dance. My Hokey Pokey needs some work too.

Pizza of the Gods

I like pizza. My wife likes pizza. My daughter likes pizza. My son adores pizza. For him, pizza is a staple food. His food pyramid is basically pizza, followed by cheese, followed by pepperoni, followed by bread. This he washes down with plenty of ice chai tea lattes. So you could say that we are a pizza family and my son is a pizza gourmand and caffeine freak. A few weeks ago we went to an Italian restaurant (soft "i", no "eye"talians here) that my wife and I used to frequent pre-children and that my son had never been to. He loved their pizza. Thin crust, plenty of cheese, generous pepperoni; he was in heaven. So, when it came time to order pizza for a get-together at our house this week, we all immediately thought of the new place. (Luigi's for those of you in the Flint MI area). I called in the order and asked for three large pizzas and then I called my friend who was coming over to visit and asked if he could pick them up on his way over and I would pay him back when he arrived. No problem he assured me. So that was how it went. A little while later he and others showed up, he had the pizzas and everything was going as planned. I thought the pizza boxes looked a little large, but really paid no attention. "How much do I owe you?" I asked. He gave me the receipt and I couldn't believe my eyes. $64? Wow! That was some expensive pizza. Then I turned around and really looked at the boxes. They were huge. I'm thinking pizzas the size of car tires. I opened the box and the pizzas were square. They filled the entire box. They covered my entire dining room table, with the extensions pulled out. Needless to say we all got a good laugh out of this, and we had enough pizza to send some home with everyone. And my son has enough pepperoni pizza to last him at least a day or two. Next time mediums. I hope those are only merely huge. Bon apetit!